COVER
"Pretending to have long hair after the shower 15 years ago"
"Where does it go, the love we don't show anymore? The love for things and people we no longer see, that for one reason or another left our lives. My restless hands buzz with accumulated love, for these things and people that I turned into drawings so I could sleep better."
"Childhood is the ability to bring inanimate objects to life. My kid imagination saw characters in collections of miniature whiskey bottles and matchbooks, each with their own unique personality. Today I stare at objects for hours - the phone, the pillow, not even the curtain smiles at me. I used to know how to make a Playmobil doll cry."
"I think often of the time when my friend Renatinha 'Poltergeist' and I were inseparable. Everything was an adventure, our wild plans and endless nights, from her house, to the club, to the bar, to Kika's place, to Jungle and all over Vila Madalena, to Aeroanta, to Santos."
"I met my first crowd of friends in a swimming pool, at my aunt's home in Panorama, about 14 years ago. [On the roller coaster: Acme, temporary bands, theater, school friends, trips, 2 months with Carol around the US, my biggest adventure]. The people are still around, many I continue to see thanks to fate or affinity. But the group, the crowd, the euphoric togetherness around common interests, that is gone."
"I miss everything about my grandfather's farm. Saying the name of the place, 'Sítio Cinco Estrelas', picking blackberries and walking on the grass, reading old comics at night, fumetti, The Phantom. I even miss the nightmares. But what I remember the most is the porch tile. How it felt to run my hand over the cold floor, the rough cement grout between the earthy red squares. My little kid's hand."
"I never went back to Colégio Dante Alighieri, where I graduated in 1992. Fig. 01 - You write here, sit here, keep your date book and pencil case here. The desks are connected, the first one has no bench, the last has just a backrest. Fig. 02 - Did you know that glass is liquid? I've known this for a long time, because the windows at my school were melted by the years. Thinner at the top and thicker at the bottom. Fig. 03 - One day in the lab I saw a name that had been carved 39 years before: Ana '52. Fig. 04 - Biology class in sixth grade was drawing class for me. I still imitate my teacher's style. Fig. 05 - I once dreamt my school in Canada was a swimming pool. And they say that water in dreams symbolizes feelings."
"My grandma's bathroom had two mirrors facing each other. The reflections repeated infinitely, creating a green, curved corridor that maybe connected on the other side, or in a bathroom like that, in another world."
"I love everything about Nova Scotia, in Canada. Like the Orion constellation upside down. A lot of people (and a lot of things) are still there, but a lot of things (and a lot of people) are gone forever. Like that gray hoodie I loved. What do you think happened to it? If I gave it to someone, I don't remember. If I lost it, how lucky is the person who found it."
"Ten years ago I spent six months in Nova Scotia as an exchange student. This is my 'little Canadian sister'. Lindsey was born in 1987. So the Lindsey of today (who loves the Backstreet Boys) isn't that big-headed toddler of 1990, a witty, sassy Cathy miniature, like a talking pet, too smart to be a critter, too funny and tiny to be an actual person."
"1993, seven years ago. I went to Tatu's Fruit every night after college, my favorite bar for a long time. I dragged a lot of friends there, but the routine was Tati, Bactéria and I drinking beer and talking nonsense. Bac was (is) in the band Mundo Livre and they were mixing their first record at a studio close to Tatu's. Sony was releasing Chico Science's album too. Mangue was about to conquer the country, or at least MTV. One day Bac chose to be with us at Tatu's rather than with Malu Mader at the studio. Seriously."
"What I liked most about Tatu's was the backlit menu, just like the ones at Jack in the Box, except that instead of hamburgers and fries there had pictures of juices and fruit. 1993 was my last year of complete innocence. I lived with my mom and made shorts on VHS and Super 8 to songs by the Butthole Surfers and Chico Science, who sometimes went out drinking with us. Oh wait, 94 was cool too, my bad."
"I wore the same clothes everyday. A knee-high skirt with black shoes I got from Renatinha (Poltergeist) and ankle socks. 95 was the year that knocked me out - which means I wore that outfit for 2 years!"
"1995 knocked me out because that was when my first love, which I kissed for the first time at Tatu's, by the way, went God (and only He) knows where, where Chico Science went later too. Death is the worst kind of separation because it is, at the very least, for life. Once it gets you good, you never see the world the same. You start to wonder how EVERYONE can wake up, eat, work, dream, knowing that EVERYONE is also going God (and only He) knows where. I mean, it's not just actual death... every day we part with something. And it's worse when you don't know right away it will be forever. For the rest of your life."
"Afuíque is a word that the kids in this building made up. No memory of the building will do it justice, nothing I can write. Because I miss everything and everyone there, my childhood and the childhoods of others. This right side of the building was a riot, everyone screaming out of the windows. I lived on the 8th floor. I was afraid to go to the rooftop and to ride the elevator. We had a kids 'newspaper'. I slept on a bunk bed and ate 'pink sauce' noodles. There was a huge dog on the 1st floor. We pretended to be ghosts and dreamt about Disneyland."
"Pre-school, 19 years ago: Not only we knew how to count to a hundred (counting to a thousand would take days), we were also the only superheroes in the class. My best friend was a Japanese-Brazilian girl called Mônica who could draw amazingly, but during recess I wasn't myself anymore. Transformed into Batgirl I rolled in the kids' sandbox fighting invisible monsters with Batman (whose name was André the rest of the time) and Robin, Edú, who I still love but never saw again."
"What many people feel for their room at their parents' home, I felt for the first time in the studio I rented from Thales, my first home by myself. I took many of these things with me, to future homes, but I had to leave the smell there, the smell of my little world."
"1989: My best friends in eighth grade. I always think about them, where they are, what they are doing: Costa, fashion model. Sá, mother. I want to call but don't have the courage."
"The other day I called an old friend but he wasn't home. I was relieved. What would I say? I think there's no room for them on my phone bill anymore. Besides, my life is busy with places and people..."
"...who someday will certainly fill my hands with longing (and give wings to my boots)."